Friday, December 18, 2015

Holiday Decorating Realities

#1: Start in one room, realize that as long as you're moving furniture, etc. you should deep clean. Tell yourself (again) that you will do this on a more regular basis. (sorry Mom!)

#2: Move all the crap from each room as you decorate. Pretty soon I will get to the other end of the house and all of this will have to be dealt with!

#3: It is a Universal Law that you will marry a person of the opposite Tree Light Color Persuasion.

#4: It is also a Universal Law that you will marry someone of the opposite Tree Light Application Method persuasion. See also: To Tinsel or Not?  Also: Angel or Star?

 #5: You (again) remember that you should have gotten the amaryllis bulbs and planted them in your decorative holiday pots around Halloween. As it stands now (and forever it seems) when Christmas comes around you will have ratty looking bulbs sitting in a pot of bare dirt instead of glorious blooms of red and white and pink and candy striped.

#6: Where are all the $*(*@ green extension cords?

#7: It's just not Christmas until the Advent Wreath catches fire.

#8: It is probable, but not possible, that in an alternate universe there are, actually, enough Christmas mugs. But here in this house, no, no there can not, and never will there be, enough Christmas mugs.

#9: The emergence of the Santa Cookie Plate brings great joy. But you cannot eat off it (no, not even cookies, all you weisenheimers. You know who you are.). Because it is, you know, reserved.

#10: Be Honest.  Those little foil wrapped Santas and ornaments, marshmallow snowmen, ribbon candy, etc. are not going to make it until tomorrow.

#11: Who knew fake trees shed just as much as real ones? Especially when you store them shoved in a closet that is too small for it.

#12: The dream of Christmas quilts got as far as buying fabric. Which if I could find again I probably wouldn't like now. Oh wait, I did manage to make pillowcases for two of the four beds. Where are those?

#13: The snowman teapot holds a mouthful of tea and the cookies go stale if you put them in the snowy cottage cookie jar, but they are just so DANG cute!

#14: Our gingerbread houses will never look like the magazine ones. Instead of feeling bad about it, we make up silly scenarios about why it looks like it does: "starving reindeer herd" "avalanche!" "abominable snowman tripped"