Friday, December 9, 2011

More Entries from My Encyclopedia

  • Sheetrobics - (No, not *that*, this is a family encyclopedia!) The workout you get from trying to put the sheets back on the kids' beds each day without dislodging 8 billion stuffed animals, 10 blankets, 8 pillows and a sippy cup. All the while exclaiming "what do you *do* at night? most people just sleep!" over and over.
  • Sheet Ring - the grubby bottom third of the sheet when laundry day comes. You asked your kids if they washed their feet and they said yes. Silly you, you believed them.
  • Compucrastination - the art of putting off whatever you don't want to do by clicking on all the blogs you follow, facebook, your email, etc. - every fifteen minutes.
more entries here

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Stuff My Mom Said A Lot

  • Remember! (meaning don't do anything you're not supposed to)
  • You're cruisin' for a bruisin'
  • Knock it off!
  • Hob Dobbins
  • If I make it, you have to eat it
  • We're the only sane ones
  • there's always room for one more
  • Jesus, Mary & Joooowwseph
  • who touched my curtains?
  • I only want the best
  • I love you

Stuff My Dad Said A Lot

  • You make a better door than a window.
  • When have to is your master you can do a lot of things.
  • Pick up everything that doesn't grow.
  • It's not cold, it's just a little cool.
  • Now son... (even to the girls)
  • Put one foot on the floor.
  • Want some poultry seasoning on that?
  • Lovely girl, married her twice, wouldn't do it again.
  • You're my best girl. (to whichever daughter was in the room at the time)
  • A man could drown in those eyes.
  • If you name a baby Harold, I'll haunt you. That's an old man's name.
  • This'll do.
  • Want to go on an adventure?
  • Your mother'll kill me if she finds out I let you... (but of course she already knew and didn't!)
  • This is Mother's Goulash Number X (different number every time).
  • You Snooze, You Lose!
  • Smoke 'em if you've got 'em
  • Jesus H. Christ
  • What am I gonna do with you?
  • What page are you on?

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Life With Boys II

When is a smoke/CO alarm not real? When it is the toy metal detector!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Life With Boys

The newest game here is "throw your socks at the brick fireplace wall and see if they stick" accompanied with lots of hysterical laughing. All this Mom can say is "Huh?"

Monday, September 5, 2011

Four Stages of Dirt

Stage 1: Dirt Obliviousness. This is when things are dirty and invisible at the same time. Note the difference from Stage 2. From this state, it is possible to progress to either Stage 2 or directly to Stage 3.

Stage 2: Dirt Ignorance. This is when the dirt is visible but you have entered into a peace treaty with it. So long as it does not wave its hands in the air, embarrass you with horrible smells or cause botulism or other fatal illnesses you are willing, in return, to ignore it for a little while longer. From this state it is possible to progress to Stage 4.

Stage 3: Dirt Flabbergastedness. This is when the dirt blindsides you into such a state of shock, that you cannot possibly ignore it. Like when you look over your husband's shoulder while he is hugging you and blurt out "My god! When did the ceiling fan get that disgusting?!?!" and you push him away and immediately climb on the table, shouting for Clorox, rubber gloves, a tarp, copious amounts of hot water and possibly the National Guard. Note the difference from Stage 2. From this stage you skip right over Stage 4. There is no progression except into disgust with everything followed by exhaustion and possibly death (sometimes your own, but not necessarily).

Stage 4: Dirt Eradication. This is when all dirt is banished from your home at the same time. A very rare condition that if you are lucky enough or insane enough to reach, it will be fleeting. How fleeting depends on how many people share your house and how adept they are at picking up after themselves. In other words, about five minutes. From this stage it is possible to continue back to any of the previous stages, either exclusively or in progression.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Stuff I Say A Lot

  • We've got to leave in 10 minutes.
  • We have to go.
  • Get in the car.
  • Come on! We're going to be late!
  • I told Grandma we'd pick her up, she's waiting!
  • Getinthecargetinthecargetinthecaralreadydammit!
  • Did you pee before we got in the car?
  • Go pee.
  • You do too have to go, you're dancing all over!
  • Put that down/Stop talking/Tell me in a minute and go pee.
  • Do you have to pee? Are you sure?
  • Well *I* have to go, so you may as well go too.
  • Yes, you can use the men's room. But don't talk to anyone and come right back.
  • You have to pee now? Here?
  • You washed your hands, didn't you?
  • What am I making for dinner?
  • No, you cannot eat spaghetti again.
  • Well, what are you going to eat?
  • No, you cannot eat that.
  • Spaghetti!? You're going to turn into spaghetti!
  • You need to eat more than that.
  • You ate all of that today?
  • Oh no you don't. You've already eaten. Put that back.
  • I hear my phone ringing. Do you know where it is?
  • Daddy's at work.
  • Daddy's upstairs.
  • Daddy's asleep.
  • Daddy's stopping at Grandma's on the way home.
  • I bet nobody calls me when I'm not here, do they?
  • 10 minute warning!
  • Don't you dare tell me those shoes are too tight.
  • You're fine. It doesn't hurt.
  • Should we close the drain?
  • We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
  • Look at Mommy! Smile!
  • Keep doing what you're doing, pretend you don't see the camera.
  • Have I got the camera?
  • Dang, the camera battery is dead again.
  • How come I'm never in any of these pictures?
  • Yes, I did tell you that. About 10 times.
  • I do not want to hear another word about (Halloween/Christmas/Your Birthday) until after (Back to School/Thanksgiving/New Years).
  • Not today. But you could put it on your list for Santa.
  • Well if you don't get it for Christmas, maybe you'll get it for your birthday.
  • I'm just a little bit turned around
  • I made a wrong turn
  • I know where I am but not how to get where I should be
  • Stop snorting and use words please.
  • Remember the rules! No stitches until you're 10 and no broken bones til you're 15! (I keep upping the ages. So far it's working!)
  • Why do I spend good money on pillows if you're just going to throw them at each other?
  • Why are your sheets off the bed?
  • There's no room for you in that bed with all those toys.
  • This place is filthy!
  • Do NOT spray that hose inside the windows!
  • Go spray over there!
  • If you get me wet, so help me...
  • Come over here and spray the mud off my hands/feet/shoes.
  • They arrest people who go outside without pants on.
  • It's in the (bedroom/pantry/basement/closet/your room/etc)
  • I don't know where your stuff is. I have my own junk to keep track of.
  • Well where did you leave it?
  • Where's your brother?
  • Go play with your brother.
  • Turn off that computer/DS now.
  • You're going to have to hang up soon.
  • You're silly!
  • I'll call their mom and set it up.
  • Of course I'll read that book to you.
  • This book sounds really good, we should read this one.
  • Yes I want to hear, tell me all about it!
  • Super job! 2 Thumbs up!
  • Who wants a smoothie on the way home?
  • You can have a donut, either one.
  • Who loves you?
  • I love you!
  • Daddy and Mommy and M./P. love you the best.
  • Everybody loves you!

Things That Freak Me Out

  • Bats
  • Those LED headlights (are they LED? the bluish ones?). It's like a Transformer is following me
  • An article I just saw about how bugs are great for the diet because they're big sources of protein. Including a section about which ones to eat if you like this or that food. Um.... no
  • Driving over the Grand Island Bridge
  • Driving over the Grand Island Bridge at night
  • Driving over the Grand Island Bridge at night in the rain
  • Millipedes
  • The sound grinding teeth make
  • That puff of air they put in your eye to test for glaucoma. How on earth do they expect you to keep your 2nd eye open after that?
  • Venus flytraps
  • Troll dolls

I Hide, You Seek

The other night P. wanted to play hide and seek before bed. "No way, " I told him, "it's already very late! Get in bed!" I turned around from putting clothes away, turning on the fan, confiscating the books, etc. and there he was under the covers. "I see you! I know you're under there!" M. cracked up laughing. "That's not him, Mom. He's in the bathroom." Sure enough, I go in the bathroom and there he is, laughing at me. You can trick Mommy sometimes!

Friday, September 2, 2011

I'll Be Back Soon

D. fed the kids while I was out. But he needed me to clarify the instructions on the box of macaroni and cheese. I love him dearly, but... really??? Clearly he needs to be in charge more often. If it's the same at your house, call me and we'll go do something!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

This Morning I Came Downstairs

to find P. getting breakfast in bed ready. (M. who is usually the mastermind at shenanigans like this was still fast asleep.) He had the baking sheet we use for a tray out on the counter (I really need to buy a bonafide serving tray), a coffee cup with an inch of water in it and some leftover ravioli and a fork. Such a smile when I asked him if he was making breakfast in bed. He even got it off the counter and over to the stairs without spilling. Then he yelled "Help!" And when we got upstairs he climbed back in bed and ate it. Wouldn't share with us at all. Is this kid too much or what? The wheels are turning in there, P. I can see them turning...

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Goal Exceeded

In 2010 I read 6 books. Six.

Ok, so maybe I read a few more, but I'm not counting bedtime stories. These were books for me. Books read for pleasure and information gathering and just for fun. Six books. Six. This pathetic little number made me sad, dismayed, and a bit angry. To be frank, I was appalled. How did I let this happen? Me? The girl who can read a 700 page book in 2 days? I could give a lot of reasons for the decline in number of books read, like I went back to work full-time, I spent a lot of time in the car ferrying kids back and forth and I hate audio books, I am exhausted, etc etc etc. Who cares what the reasons are, Lizzie, what are you going to do about it going forward?

So for 2011, I set a goal to read 52 books. I thought one a week was reasonable and left some leeway for the short reads that might take a day or two and the longer ones that might take more than a week. The important thing was I set a goal and I put a reminder out there to help me do it, namely my account on Shelfari.

Reading has always brought me great pleasure and making a conscious effort to put it back into my life just made me happy happy happy. There were books I adored (The Ten Year Nap, Elizabeth I, Madame Tussaud, Still Alice, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, Perfumes: The Guide), books that freaked me out but kept me turning the pages to find out what happened next (Room, Faithful Place, Her Fearful Symmetry), books that I could take or leave (we won't single those out because opinion is subjective) and books I hated (I stopped reading them).

I'm happy to say that as of today I've read 55 books, so I've surpassed my goal and there are still 4 months left in the year. Yay me!

Current book: Re-reading all 7 Harry Potters in succession. I'm on Chamber of Secrets now.

Next challenge: get needlework back into my life on a regular basis...

If You Shouldn't Go Grocery Shopping While Hungry

clearly you shouldn't be bringing 2 hungry boys along either. A trip for 3 things resulted in 5 bags and $125...

I Just Found

a big bag of Halloween lollipops in the back of my cupboard. Clearly it is time for tidying and reorganization! What does it say about me that I hovered over the garbage can for several minutes and then put it back. Lollipops don't go bad, do they?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Nine Things About You at Age 9

Nine Years Old.

  1. You think the best vacation in the world would be a) Disneyland b) Wizarding World of Harry Potter c) Disney cruise or best of all d) all of the above in the same vacation. I don't know if that last one is possible but we'll work on it...
  2. Kingdom Hearts rules!
  3. You've stolen my buckwheat heating pad and refuse to give it back.
  4. Suddenly you have incredibly large feet and hands. Boy Feet and Boy Hands. I don't know where the cute little baby ones you had yesterday went.
  5. You like to write letters. So far you have heard back from 2 of your favorite authors (one with original artwork!) and the White House.
  6. You are always singing.
  7. You have a lot of curiousity about the world and it's history. For instance, because of a very brief scene in Return to Neverland, a trip to the library was in order to find out more about WWII and why kids in England were sent to the country.
  8. You notice everything and you hear everything.
  9. You will talk to your cousin G. on the phone for as long as I'll let you. And then do it again tomorrow.

  1. Wrestling matches & pillow fights with Dad & M. are the best.
  2. You go through a fake litany of body parts that hurt, trying to get kisses. You haven't figured out yet that you can just ask for the kiss by itself.
  3. Current favorite movie: Lilo and Stitch. Which has led to an interest in Elvis music and the hula.
  4. You will sit and play a board game or turn-taking game now, if you understand the rules. Zingo, Richard Scarry's BusyTown, dominoes...
  5. You got a set of Disney figures for your birthday. You were thrilled and told us over and over who all the characters were. I watched you playing with them today and you were very purposefully making them interact together. What was very interesting to me was which figures you paired together: Winnie the Pooh and the Evil Queen from Sleeping Beauty. Ariel and Scar. Cruella DeVil and Cinderella. I wish I could hear the stories you are telling in your head.
  6. You have been doing great at dance class, participating in everything and getting ready for your recital in May. We've gotten past the "smoothie as a bribe" stage.
  7. You are finally old enough to participate in Special Olympics. Bowling is the sport right now, which you have done before and enjoy. Bonus that a lot of your friends are participating too.
  8. You like to go around turning the lights off on everyone. Unless we want them off. Like when we're sleeping. Then you go around turning them on.
  9. You adore the babysitter, K. In fact when I come home from work, you try and shut the door on me because you know that means she has to go home. She adores you back.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Answer to All Eternal Questions

Last night, M. had trouble falling asleep. "What seems to be the problem?" I asked. "You'll think it's crazy, Mom, but it just popped into my head and I can't stop thinking about it and I just don't know..." "What is it?"

"What is the meaning of existence, Mom? I mean, why are we here?"

Crap. And here I thought he was going to ask something easy like whether Santa was real.

Philosophers and all manner of learned and common men have been asking that question since time began. How to answer? And more importantly, how to answer so he'd feel reassured enough to actually go to sleep?

And then it came to me, like the hand of God touching me in a blessing. "It's love, honey. We're here to love each other and nothing else matters." He was asleep in 10 seconds flat.

All his questions should be that easy.